ROAD TRIP!

This is an old post of mine from the team blog back in sophomore year. Yeah.

*Jendrid, Mastodon, Dracula, and some groupies and roadies just departed on a proper road trip*

"ROAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDD TRRRRRRRRRIIIIPPPPP!"

Everybody in the car screamed it, very loud. It was so loud that Mr. Turner heard it and jumped into the road. The car or tour bus or whatever it was crashed into him and exploded, sending out a giant ball of flame and smoke. The smoke cleared to reveal Mr. Turner, unhurt but gnawing on his own arm, which had been completely cooked by the fire.

"ArghArghArgh! Thanks for givin' me fresh barbecue! What's your name? You! The dumb white one in the front!" Turner pointed at Dracula.

"I be straight up G, yo, I aint no white boy. Can I have some of your arm?"

"Course, I'm not gonna eat all of it." Turner whipped out a switchblade from his pocket. "You need something to cut it with?!"

However, by this time Dracula was already sucking the red juice from Turner's arm.

Turner liked it. "Ahh that feels good. Keep suckin' it, boy!"

Unfortunately, Mastodon felt left out, so he started to chew on Turner's other arm.

However, Turner freaked out so much he went crazy and started to yell about conjugates. "Z with a LINE over it! Z with a LINE over it! Z with a LINE over it!"

It was too much for his little mind, and his brain promptly turned to green mush and oozed out his nose. Dracula started sucking this too, but since it was Turner's brain, it was poisonous, and he collapsed, also dead.

Mastodon and the roadies were the only ones left alive(besides Jendrid, but he was in a coma for a couple weeks). They blasted a stellar hip-hop performance of "Blowin in the Wind" by Bob Dylan.

Some hobo videotaped the performance and marketed it as his own. He sold 40000000000000000000000000000000 copies and became a really really really rich hobo.

However, Mastodon filed suit against the hobo for song rights. Dracula was obviously not dead(since vampires cannot die DUH) and he filed suit for rights too. The triple suit went all the way to the Supreme Court, where the case was known as Dumb Vampire vs. Stupider Mastodon vs. Really Really Really Rich Hobo.

The United States filed suit against the triple suit, because mastodons, vampires, and really really really rich hoboes are all mythical creatures. Dracula filed a counter-suit for discrimination, and while everybody was distracted Jendrid stole all the money and eloped with 5 groupies. They moved to Stanislav, Antarctica where Jendrid had five kids with each of the groupies.

Together, the 25 babies, 5 groupies, and Jendrid established the first Antarctican/Gambian/Parasailing Mafia, which destroyed all of Asia, and Paraguay for good measure. Jendrid lived the good life for a while, but then he was confronted by none other than: